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Search Results 0 to 28 of about 29 (some duplicates have been removed)
throughout 20 states who have been hit by hurricane sandy. this record surge has devastated communities from north carolina to maine. 62 people at least have died. power station explosions and downed lines have left eight million people without electricity-- including new york city below 39th street. in new jersey, the national guard has been sent in to rescue more than 20,000 trapped hoboken residents. 100 homes burned to the ground in breezy point, queens. the largest single fire in new york city history. an entire town on the jersey shore has been submerged. it's an unimaginable tragedy where the scope of the damage is still unfolding. for those fortunate enough to be watching this show tonight, i urge you to visit redcross.org to find out how you can assist those in need. spoiler alert: it's money. (laughter) i'd also like to single out some heroes. like the nurses at n.y.u. hospital. (cheers and applause) after the hospital's generators failed, these nurses carried 20 newborns down nine flights of stairs while manually operating respirators. i can't even walk down nine flights of stairs
. (laughter) and storm nation, things are not much better in new york. the m.t.a. reported that sandy flooded seven subway tunnels under the east river. which means it could be weeks before they're able to restore the scent of urine. (laughter) that's why i am calling on new york drunks to head into the subway and release their strategic bladder reserves. (cheers and applause) the point is it appears that we got manhattan wet, which i'm pretty sure voids the warranty. (laughter) and there are no lenape indians around to give us back our beads. oh, you win this time, extinct tribe. (laughter) but before the storm hit i hope you all followed my storm prep instructions. duct tape the windows, filled your bathtubs with fresh water and built an ark. (laughter) one of every animal, only females. then add one very randy poodle. (laughter) they can mate with anything, that way we repopulate the earth with a hypoallergenic animal kingdom. you get your elephant-a-poos. (laughter) your roco-doodles. they're great with kids who don't make sudden moves. (laughter) of course, with all this heart breaking d
with the aftermath of hurricane sandy. things got so bad that people if brooklyn were forced to live like they were in the 19th century instead of just dressing like it. but just, just when we thought that the worse was over we got hit again. >> a new nor'easter is slamming new york and new jersey. a brutal nor'easter. >> nor'easter. >> nor'easter. >> yes, a nor'easter. (laughter) a stoorm so powerful it can wipe out a region's supply of ts and hs. (laughter) and folks, i'm afraid that this new storm could hurt romney's momentum. (laughter) i mean-- wheers plaus it could slow him down. i mean he already lost the election that can't help. but of course florida is still being counted. so folks i got to till, i am still hanging in there and i'm checking for updates on the campaign's i'm with mitt app. okay. it still works. and it lets you take photos with little messages that show your support for mitt romney. i tweeted this one today. (laughter) i'm with mitt. then later i tweeted i'm stand being mitt. and eventually i'm in the fetal position with mitt. but ultimately, folks this election only matter
: tonight new york after sandy. welcome to the city that never showers. (laughter) then mitt romney scores an unlikely endorsement, mitt romney from two months ago. and my guest david byrne and st. vincent have a new album called love this giant. it's a fan letter to chris christie. a new report says that paul ryan likes to shoot deer with handguns. and when he finds out who leaked that to the media that deer is going to get it. this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcomed to report, everybody! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen slarm stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) nation, thank you so much. i am so happy you're all here with me in the wake of hurricane sandy. countedless people are still struggling. and before we go on i would like to address the millions in the tristate area without power. and i'm going to talk a little louder right now because i know their tvs aren't working. (laughter) power challenged nat
't help. >> stephen: it was hurricane sandy that did it, it was hurricane sandy that did it. people were worried about the nor'easter that came the day after the election that did it. >> but its if the right is going to look at what just happened and say you know what, but for the storm, we did everything right and the country loves us, democrats are going to be very happy with all the next elections too. >> stephen: and listen, you know you know what causes hurricanes. gay people cause hurricanes. (cheers and applause) that's science or don't you believe in science any more? (laughter) >> do gay people lower barometric pressure. >> stephen: oh, yeah, yes, they do. (laughter) rachel, thank you so much for joining me. >> sure. >> stephen: rachel mad ou, the book is-- sorry we >> nass's it for the report, everybody, good night captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart, tonight we have good guest, director-- director and star of brooklyn castle. the fascinating documentary about chess champ
. despite the fact that after a week of hurricane sandy, thousands of amish remain without power. ( applause ) anyway, anyway, obama won. america is done. it's over! jimmy, roll the credits. ♪ ♪ ( "america the beautiful beauti) ( cheers and applause ) i'll tell you, folks, there's a simple reason why america is over. because last night's election wasn't decided by real americans. >> it's a changing country. the demographics are changing. it's not a traditional america anymore. and there are 50% of the voting public who want stuff. ( laughter ) they want things. and who is going to give them things? president obama. the white establishment is now the minority. >> stephen: yes, traditional america is no more, okay. that's all american traditions. no more trick-or-treating. no more homecoming. when someone sneezes you have to say "happy holidays." folks, papa bear, papa bear bill o'reilly is right. the white establishment, guys like us, we're the minority now, and we're helpless against this tide of non-white people who want stuff and things. ( laughter ). they're the thing-stuff-wanters.
wings. nation this has been a tough few weeks for america. first hurricane sandy ravaged the east coast. then obama was re-elected. do you know he is coming for our guns. how will we fight the next hurricane? (laughter) well, on friday, folks, our nation was dealt yet another blow. >> out of nowhere cia director david petraeus resigned after admitting he cheated on his wife. the other woman the person who wrote his biography, paula broadwell. >> stephen: their, he had an affair with his biographer, all-in, it appears-- it a pores that the title of chapter five anaconda-- (laughter) >> stephen: may not refer to a ground offense any afghanistan. whole different type of surge. (laughter) well, folks, this explosive revelation puts every biographer and subject under suspicion. meaning we can now say with some certainty that dora concerns goodwin banged abraham lincoln. i mean just listen-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: just listen to what she said on my show last week. >> it's sexy, don't you think? >> stephen: you mean lincoln or daniel-day lewis. was lincoln sexy? >> i think so and i'
, thank you so much. i am so happy you're all here with me in the wake of hurricane sandy. countedless people are still struggling. and before we go on i would like to address the millions in the tristate area without power. and i'm going to talk a little louder right now because i know their tvs aren't working. (laughter) power challenged nation, please put down the peanut butter are you licking out of your mousetrap and just listen up for a minute. i want to you hang in there. the national guard is assisting the jersey shore. governor chris christie and president obama have been strategizing together on the cleanup. and joe biden is using his teeth to illuminate hoboken. folks-- (cheers and applause) lovely set of choppers. now folks we've all been affected by the storm. even me. yes, i still have power at both my office and my home and my other home. and gas and heat and phone service and my t1 line is still lightning fast. and my toast certificate still making top-notch toast. but i did have to take in my neighbor allen after he lost power. i set him up on a cot in the gar achbling
Search Results 0 to 28 of about 29 (some duplicates have been removed)